Well, I'm finally updating this thing. It's been like a month, I know I'm sorry, I'm lazy. It is what it is. This month has seen a heck of a lot of stuff. I don't even know where to begin honestly. I had a terrible week alone struggling through a lot of things. I didn't have my car so for my week of vacation I couldn't hardly do anything, which I mean that's not that big a deal I guess #whitepeopleproblems. But it did leave me alone a lot which depressed the shit out of me. I'm realizing more and more that the person I can't stand most in this world is actually, me. Left alone, I had to face all my demons and since I didn't cry out to the Father like I should have, I was left alone, wanting. I fell back into old habits and has now made me have to get rid of some more social media as a result. I feel like I can't enjoy anything because I'll just abuse it and lose it.
On the flip side of this, (this is totally random, but not) I need to go on a rant and say LADIES: IF YOU PUT PICTURES OF YOURSELF WITHOUT A LOT OF CLOTHES ON ON INSTAGRAM, TWITTER OR ANY OTHER FORM OF SOCIAL NETWORKING, DON'T COMPLAIN WHEN MEN VIEW YOU AS OBJECTS. YOU ARE DOING IT TO YOURSELF. At the same time I guess, having self-respect or self-worth is just as hard for me, so please know that I understand where you are coming from. It hurts me to see girls who so desperately want to be loved that they will just show parts of them to anyone to get attention. But in my own way I do the same thing, and that is why I hate myself. So please know, girls, that most guys are going through the same crap you are, they just don't want to admit it (or express it in different ways). If you put yourself out there like that, all you'll get are guys who aren't looking for love, they are looking to fill the same void you are looking to fill by taking off your clothes.
We are all looking for something. That something is Jesus. Lots of us look for self worth or self respect or whatever we are looking for in any other thing but that. A lot of times people look for it in the affections of others. Some people look for it in power. Some people look for it in the comforts of money. It's all the same God-sized void for everyone. It pains me to say all of this because I can't even say yet that that void is being filled by what I want it to be filled by. But I just wanted to say be careful. Read some Scripture. Read "The Imitation of Christ" Thomas a Kempis. Pray. "Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven, and the rest will be added to you"
